"I am awakened by a loudspeaker outside the bus. “Please to remain in your veheekools at all zee times!”. We are engulfed in an orange and white luminescence. I knew it! This was inevitable. Echolyn has been abducted by aliens. After rubbing my eyes and emerging fully out of my dream state, I now realized that the bus is inside an auto train going through the Chunnel to France….and quickly out of France… to GEEERRRMAAAAANYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As Duncan dropped us off into some unknown (to us) German town, my eyes lit up like a rottweiler finding a kitten tied to a short rope. BUUURGERR KIIIIIIING!!!!!…..in GEEERRRMAAAAANYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!! The Double Whopper with cheese was perfect proof of God’s love for all mankind. I took a bite. Ahhhhhhhhh! Superb!!!!! My heart struggled to process all of the cholesterol and 6 hour old beers ……………bmp ..................................bmp...............bmp bmp…………… bmp bmp……….. bmp bmp….. bmp bmp… bmp bmp… bmp bmp.. bmp bmp.. bmp bmp.. Ah! The defibrillators work their magic once again.
When traveling with echolyn there is an invisible string tied to each and every member of the crew that is reeled in from the nearest open pub. In this town, there happened to be a lot of slack. So, we wound up walking about 2 miles (with no directions, thank you) to our destination. It was only around 11 AM and we were pressed for time. Thus, we only downed about 5 beers each before heading back to the bus.
On our way back we stopped at the local music store to pick up drum heads for Paul. I don’t know what the problem is in this band, but 7 out of the 9 in the group (including me) had to follow Paul into this tiny Mom n Pop store to help. “Deerng”….”Please not to touch that.” ….boop….”Please stop! That is verdy expensive”……”zeert!”….”Who zed you could plug that in?”……….ptttttttttttttttttttttttt………(American accent)”Whoops! Sorry! Double whopper. Thought I could sneak that by”….”Please get outta my store”. Actually, we just went in and bought drum heads. I just thought that was a funny scenario. The owners were very nice and wished us luck on our tour.
After traveling back, we had a few moments of panic (and some laughs at Joe’s comedy routine with a car wash vacuum) getting lost on the way to Duncan’s bus depot. When we finally recognized the bus, Duncan emerged with …..(drum roll please) ECHOLYN Laminates!!!!!! That magical marriage of a picture sealed inside plastic, thereby making it impervious to anything fate can bestow upon it!!!! I am somebody!!! Groupies would do anything to…………echolyn has laminates!!!!! …And I’m in echolyn……Therefore….I get a laminate!!!!!! Can life get any better??? I submit that it cannot!!!!
We stopped at a local supermarket to stock up on beer, wine, soda, and food. Brett entered the local hair salon a lion’s mane rock musician and emerged a testosterrific lumber jack. We celebrated Brett’s gutsy grooming gallant throughout the course of the day (we don’t need much of an excuse to celebrate).
Next stop! The Netherlands!!! We stopped at one of Duncan’s favorite café’s where we enjoyed the local…..flavor. When I discovered how utterly (and physically) speechless I was by Duncan’s choice of venue, I decide to reconvene back at the bus. I lost my balance exiting the bus stairs and accidentally hit the door activation button to break my fall. Bus doors aren’t like those gentle elevator doors that retract when they close on you. The door began to devour me. Hey!!! (whack) Heeeelp!! (whack) the bus is trying to kill (whack) me!!! Brett, Jack and Chris decided to “help”. “Tom! Jump out!! Get in the bus!! No!!! Jump out!! I finally escaped the grip of the homicidal bus door looking like a Picasso painting. Laugh it up chuckleheads!!!
What can I say about Amsterdam(nation)? A shameless crib of depravity. A habitat of promiscuity. Filth! Lust!!!! The happiest place on earth!!! This place made Vegas look like a Bar mitzvah. It was on this night that Tim Kull coined the battle cry that would rob me of sleep for the duration of the trip. “Tom! C’mon! One more beer! When’s the last time you and I had a beer together in Amsterdam?” (The word “Amsterdam” in the previous sentence would later be replaced by whatever country we happened to be in for the duration of the trip). My final memories are of drinking with a lost Irishman and eating day old pizza served by a reluctant baker at 3 AM.
World….getting …….foggy…….Where am I ?....Who are you ?...Where are my pants?...Why is this diaper on my head?........”Where’s my laminate?”….”Sure! You can have my passport.”…..(time lost)"